if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I want to have your abortion
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
