so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
