Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
