so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
