??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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