omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my poor anus
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
tell me about the fingering
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
