with your own penis?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
