Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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