Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
