she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
