You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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