Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize