some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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