my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
