Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
