So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
tell me about the eggs
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
