I want to have your abortion
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
