If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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