dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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