I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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