Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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