i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
