she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
