It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
