so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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