ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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