my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
