She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
