Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
