My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
where does the pee come out of this thing
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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