The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
