Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
