Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
