Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
