Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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