Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
