im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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