remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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