i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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