Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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