I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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