People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
