So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
