cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
