dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Barsexuality is the new black.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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