I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
