If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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