"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your cock deserves a montage
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
