the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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