So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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