he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
