You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You had me at "let me see your balls"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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