It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
