Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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