he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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