When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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