I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
