I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
