I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
