So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
