oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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