even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
