this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
