hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
