If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize