you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
