Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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