You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize