I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
