He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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